I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
