I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
