apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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