Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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