Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Pants are for mortals
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
