I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
this beer tastes like vomit already
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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