new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This house was built for laser tag.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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