Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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