hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
