Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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