What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My boob is missing a layer of skin
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
