he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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