Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
