Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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