My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
