I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
