they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
