I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
