i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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