hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
