The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
