eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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