dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
