Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
