Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
