woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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