He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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