I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
