You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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