Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
