I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Pants are for mortals
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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