if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
