he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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