a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
