No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
