WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She told me I should be a condom model.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just blew my weed a kiss
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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