the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
