look no pants
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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