I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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