you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
