Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
