3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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