I'm going to rape someone's good day.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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