Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize