The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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