his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
