Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she woke up with a sticky ear
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
