OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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