you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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