a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
