loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
