I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
