He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
