if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
