you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I need to align my fucking chakras
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
