They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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